And the weekend starts. I had a long week. I am still not over the jet lag. I slept well for the first night when I arrived but haven’t been able to get enough sleep since then. It’s been a week! I go to bed around 23:00h and sleep sometime afterwards. I wake up every night between 02h to 04h and then can’t go to sleep again. *exhales… I am exhausted but still happy and excited.

I have some good news! I made milestone progress in swimming this week. I am getting more and more comfortable in the water with every session. This week I did very well. I could take a few laps swimming like a frog and I didn’t have to stop like I used to before. Until last week, I would swim across the pool and stop on the other side before turning back, whereas other swimmers would just turn in water and continue the lap. Now I can do that too!

But that’s not the milestone progress. That title goes to the moment I started swimming backwards! As I mentioned in the earlier posts, I could already move freely in shallow water. I could swim forwards, backwards, lie on water, and all that jazz. This week I could do all that in the pool too! Now I am so comfortable that I don’t have to spend much energy to stay afloat in the pool. Now I just make slight movements with my hands or my feet and I act just like other swimmers. No panic. No drowning.

Today I took several jumps in the pool. I was enjoying being underwater and the feeling of naturally coming up on the surface. Today I could change from forward frog swimming to backwards swimming without any discomfort. Now I can stand still in the water, just like we stand on the ground. No panic.

It was all about being comfortable in the deep water. All the troubles I had in the initial days were due to the fear of not being able to touch the ground. I think my progress was accelerated the day when the instructor refused to give me the floaty. That day I swam close to the edges so that I could hold that incase I freak out. And that fear didn’t let me progress for several minutes. Then I let it go slowly. I focused on my breath. I calmed down. And within about half an hour I was swimming in the middle of the pool. Yes I was uncomfortable that day. I was doing front crawl instead of frog-swimming because I had more confidence in front crawl. As the days passed, I got better. I observed others and improved my frog-swimming technique. Initially my movements were too vigorous compared to others’, but then I observed and improved my hand-leg coordination. I did it the best today. Today I could swim for the longest time ever without stopping and without getting tired because my technique was better than before.

It feels very good when I see myself making progress like this. I felt the same a few months ago when I started to see my fitness improve due to going to the gym regularly. I could see the difference every week. And I also felt the lousyness in myself when I took a break from the gym and other sports. I don’t feel good anymore when I don’t do sports.

I was away from my active schedule for the last two months. I was travelling. I gained weight and lost the development I had before. I went for the boxing course yesterday and every minute reminded me of my poor fitness. But it felt very good to be at the sports centre again! Ever since I came back, I have been lazy. I didn’t go to the gym. I didn’t go for other sports. I just went for swimming multiple times but that’s because the pool is 5 mins away from my home and it doesn’t take much time or preparation to go swimming.

I want to go to the sports centre again. I went to the gym while I was at home in India, but it wasn’t enough. Gym by itself gets boring after a few sessions per week. I missed doing other sports. I have it all now. Let’s start again! I don’t like to look like I am pregnant.

I am taking it slow this evening. My phone is turned off. The TV is off. The lights are dim. I am not feeling like talking to anybody. I had too much socialisation this week. I am feeling like I didn’t have enough time and peace of time with myself this week. I need to be alone for some time to stay sane. It’s that day today.

It’s starting to get cold, and my nightmare returns – shopping. I don’t like to go shopping. I procrastinate on shopping until when I absolutely have to buy the things. It’s that stage again. I have been procrastinating on doing winter shopping since the last year! I have a few jackets that I don’t like at all, but I still managed to spend the whole winter last year. I just didn’t feel like going to a website or a store to buy some nice winter clothes. I bought some, but I bought them at the last minute and ended up not liking them after wearing them for a few times. If we buy something we really like, we wear it until we have to dump it. But it takes time and effort to find such clothes. I rarely put that much effort and time, so I end up buying not so good things and hating shopping even more than ever. It’s a vicious cycle.

I am stuck in this cycle again. Now the days are already too cold. I need winter clothes and I am still not feeling like going through so many choices to pick one or two. But I really need to do it this weekend otherwise it will be a problem. It’s already last minute yet again. Huh… when will I learn… somebody please buy me a nice jacket. Alexa? Siri? Oh and I need shoes too! I almost forgot. My shoes broke last month. The second pair is also not in a good shape, so I might have to go bare feet if I don’t buy a new pair. What the heck! Too many things to buy… I hate it!

Life is okay otherwise. I made some choices recently. I am making some changes to my life. This time being at home made me some things I could never see before. It’s all good. It’s all positive.