Came back from a national physics conference. It was awesome!
I want to channel my energy into building stuff. I want to start projects, finish them, and move on. Starting a website was such a step. I started it, fumbled with it for a year, started writing, developed a theme, wrote more, and here we are. Now I use it every day.
The clarity of thoughts I get by writing is very useful. I am building myself bit by bit. This blog and my journal are documentation of this process. But, I can and should certainly take some time away from this and use it for something else.
I want to spend time on reading, movies, sports, GitHub, and publishing on my other website.
My mood swings are fucking crazy, but now that I am aware that this happens, I realise quickly when I am having a bad hour/day. I stay away from people when I am having a messy mind and try to bring it back to the present moment. Today was such a day. From the outside people see that I am quieter and a bit tense because on the inside I wrestle with whatever thought is bothering me to make it go away. It becomes hard for me to stay in the present moment. It goes away eventually and I feel better but until that moment it becomes difficult for me to interact with people without putting them off. Sometimes it happens when I must interact with people, like in a meeting or so. I am getting better at handling these moments. It’s not new. I had it in my bachelor’s and master’s as well, and I messed up a lot of times because I was not aware of what was happening to me. I messed up in the last two years as well and saw the pattern some time ago.
And I realised recently that my father’s brain is also like mine. Handling my own messy mind was difficult enough. Now I have to deal with two of these. Well, he’s also always had it but now the symptoms are getting worse so dealing becomes relevant only now. He is not aware of the pattern. I can’t even educate him. I am trying to figure out how to handle this situation. Communication is not much of a thing between us two…